Raw milk even has “the coolness factor”

Here’s some verbal rant by a dude who probably doesn’t know the first thing about milk and probably doesn’t drink it himself, and yet even he can see that raw milk is “cool”, that it’s “hip”, and that it’s the happening thing. Here’s what roflcopter_down says, under the heading “Raw Milk Conspiracy”:

“I love conspiracy theories. I don’t believe any of them, but they really amuse me, so I like to read about them. I just found a new one linked to me on my Gmail account. It’s the Raw Milk Conspiracy.

Now, I know about the people who say milk is bad for you, and you shouldn’t drink it. That’s nothing new. However, there are actually people who believe that raw milk is actually a wonder cure with amazing health benefits that are lost when milk is pasteurized. Various agencies and groups supress this knowledge because they make money off of pasteurized milk one way or another (some claim that raw milk can last virtually forever while pastuerized milk has a short shelf life, so it sells more).

This just became my favorite conspiracy theory, replacing the Reptilian Humanoid conspiracy that claims key political and corporate figures are controlled by the Sleestaks from Land of the Lost (see also: V: The Mini Series). As out of left field as a the Reptilian Humanoid Conspiracy is, the Raw Milk Conspiracy is so mundane I can’t believe anyone would actually hold this belief and be serious about it. I imagine the reason the people who believe this conspiracy aren’t very vocal is because they’re busy fighting off a nasty bout of salmonella poisoning from drinking raw milk. Or FDA agents gave them the salmonella to discredit them.

Also, conspiracies can be judged by their ability to make a cool band name, and The Raw Milk Conspiracy is a cooler band name than The Sleestak Presidents.”

2 Comments

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2 responses to “Raw milk even has “the coolness factor”

  1. thebovine

    Here’s what I posted as a comment on the site of the originator of the piece referred to in this post:

    Hey man, we’re all over that raw milk conspiracy thing. And guess what? It’s true, except for that part about the super-long shelf life. That’s UHT ultra high temperature pasteurized milk that lasts so long you could bury it in your tomb for when you need an after-death snack. Check out https://thebovine.wordpress.com for more on that wild and wacky raw milk conspiracy.

  2. roflcopter_down

    Thanks for the link! You seriously rock. I’ll have you know that I’m quite a fan of Lucky Charms, so as result, I’m a milk drinker. I’m pretty sure that any health benefits of raw milk would probably be counteracted by whatever they put in those marshmallows to make them crunchy.

    While I’m not nearly as passionate about milk as you are, and admittedly ignorant about the subject, I love the idea of a Raw Milk Conspiracy. You’ve got yourself a reader!

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